Athleta's siren song

item that started it all: swinging 60s caftee

Athleta. You siren you, based in some pretty-sounding California town called Petaluma. Acquired by the Gap in 2008, but not changed as far as I can tell (despite what some user reviews say). You've bewitched me again with your catalogs, the first I saw with real women, real muscles, in real yoga poses. My family's Caribbean trip last year made me forget all my previous returns. I started the order with one to-die-for kaftan. Which disappointed and I had to return but since exchanges have free shipping, I ordered a few other kaftans. And bathing suits. And crewnecks. And now here I am, finally returning the last round of almost-keepers.

final almost-kept kaftan: feather swirl coastal kaftan

A sweet kaftan — 68% cotton and 32% silk — until I saw a picture of me in it, which I'm too embarrassed by to post here, and realized it came to my knees. I looked like a stump. To keep it, would have to hem it and I'm not up for that.

The bathing suit. Mum's The Word Tankini (in 3 sizes, because I had no idea of their fit) and the Sunny Boy Short. My favorite colors. I was really ready for a brown suit. I could ignore the slight bunching in the double layer of fabric over the stomach near the waist. But it was the boy shorts that did it. The even-very-slight suggestion of camel toe. So sad.

And the final shirts — two long-sleeved tattoo tops from YellowMan, an unknown-to-me brand, a marketing partnership that reflects well on Athleta, bringing hipness to base layer clothing with madkool technical fabric. I was hoping for perfect layering pieces for my otherwise all-black winter wardrobe.

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The YellowMan Maori black/bone Crew Neck was simply too tight. No one needs to see every belly roll.

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The YellowMan Japanese Floral Tattoo Top felt a tad looser and was nice and silky. In the end, it was still tight and really not my colors.

Summary: I am considering another YellowMan-like top, the Long Sleeve Twist Top (below), in a larger size and in red, which IS my color. And if I order it with my return, I can avoid shipping charges. Until someone ties me to a mast or fills my ears with beeswax, it looks like I will be susceptible to Athleta's catalog items.